Accepting your Limitations

Accepting your Limitations

Have you ever really wanted something that you can’t have?

Whether it’s an item we want to possess or an activity we want to partake in – being unable to achieve what we desire can often leave us feeling frustrated (well, I know it certainly does me!). The second I get an idea in my mind of what I want, I’m determined to make it happen, no matter the cost. And whilst this can be an extremely useful trait to have, it can also be detrimental.

You see, we can’t always have what we want. Whether that’s due to financial limitations or, as in my case, poor health.

My declining physical and mental health has left me with no option but to defer my university studies for the next year. This wasn’t an easy decision for me to make, and I initially felt very reluctant to take this (rather extreme) step. More than anything, I want to be living life as a ‘normal’ twenty-year-old. I want to be out socialising, keeping active, studying for my degree, reading books that interest me, growing my blog and making things for my Etsy shop. But all of this is just not a possibility right now and I need to learn to accept that.

Unfortunately, however, this is not an easy thing to do.

At first, I struggled to accept that I was too unwell to be at university. Numerous people insisted I should defer my studies and yet I refused. I knew deep down that I wasn’t well but I couldn’t accept illness as a limitation. I had convinced myself that, despite feeling extremely ill, I could just continue ‘as normal’. Make no mistake, I felt absolutely miserable, but as long as I was semi-functioning I felt I had to keep going.

Even now that I have returned home, I am still trying to take on the world. Since I’m no longer studying, I am instead trying to fill my days with other productive activities (after all, not having any university work to complete is the perfect excuse to do everything else under the sun that I couldn’t do when I was focussing on my degree! 🙃). I will exhaust myself but as long as I don’t feel completely useless sitting around all day, everything is a-okay!

Ultimately though, whether I’m at university or at home, the fact remains: I AM ILL AND I NEED TO REST! I can’t keep pushing myself to do things that I am simply not capable of. It doesn’t mean I’ll never be able to do them, but my current situation means that my health must take absolute priority. University will always be there. I can get my degree at any age. My wardrobe can be cleared out when I’m a little better. For now, I just need to accept my limitations, and ensure that I’m looking after me.

Thanks for reading,

-Lisa x

4 Comments

  1. January 13, 2018 / 6:30 pm

    I was so relieved to read the end of this. When you accepted that iLLNESS is more than a valid reason and is also not your fault! As you’ll know from our chats over twitter, i only returned to University after TWO years out. I had ONE TERM left to complete and i put it on hold without virtually and warning – my flatmates found out two days before term started!

    So I’m always here to talk if you need. IT IS NOT ‘EXTREME’. It’s the most natural thing in the world to put HEALTH before anything. It’s the foundation you need before you can build anything worth holding onto. And you WILL build so much in your future, if you choose recovery and keep going xxx

    Bumble and Be

    • January 13, 2018 / 8:53 pm

      Thank you so much for this. It always helps to know I’m not alone. 💗 xx

  2. January 9, 2018 / 2:05 pm

    I can completely relate to this!
    I suffer from severe anxiety and depression, so due to this, I am currently not working. Ideas keep popping into my head for things I can do to fill the gap eg. volunteering, classes, etc. but I simply can’t do these things at the moment- I can barely leave the flat by myself without inducing a panic attack! But it is so difficult to accept that simple activities I used to be able to do I can’t anymore.
    Thank you for sharing this 🙂 I hope you are able to get back to doing what you enjoy and want soon!

    • January 9, 2018 / 3:59 pm

      Thank you for your comment. It is certainly a difficult thing to accept, but all the more reason to focus on regaining your health! I think we will appreciate doing these simple things a lot more, because we’ll remember what it felt like to not be able to do them. I wish you all the best. 🙂

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